The Gift Of Love

In approaching writing this month’s AwareNet, I find my thoughts and feelings more and more focused on love. This may be because we are coming up on Valentine’s Day or the amount of relationship coaching I’ve been doing with people in recent months or the simple, sweet reality that I’m engaged to be married this upcoming June.

I am continually amazed at what complex dynamics we create around our most basic emotion of love. In living life, I have found that discernment, the ability to distinguish one thing from another, is one of our most powerful tools to bring about clarity and awareness. In my thoughts and feelings about love, I find myself exploring the distinctions between what love is and what it is not, once again through the image of gift giving.

I feel there is a strong difference between whether we give gifts or exchange gifts. In the act of giving a gift, the focus is on your feelings for the person, the pleasure of sharing something you value with another and the joy in seeing them receive what adds happiness to their lives. In exchanging gifts, the focus is more commonly on whether you are measuring up to your obligations, judging whether you are giving something of equal value and on what you will receive in return.

We struggle a lot in life with trying to figure out what “true love” is. I have found it simpler to look at what we offer to others in these terms. The essential nature of love is unconditional. If what we offer is unconditional, a complete gift in its self, given without any need of reciprocation, then it is love. If on the other hand what we offer is given either out of obligation or with expectations of what we will receive in return, then it is not love. Obligations, expectations, commitments, contracts and responsibilities are all a part of our lives. They are a valuable, essential part of our lives. I am just making a strong distinction that they are not love.

Here are several images about giving love that I offer as a gift of awareness.

1. The strongest and possibly the only way to give unconditionally is to give only that which equally gives to yourself as much as it gives to others. Simply, put give only what gives you joy to give. In this way it does not matter whether “it is better to give than receive”.

2. If you are more concerned with what you will receive than what you want to give
then contract and “purchase” what you want rather trying to get it through gift giving. You deserve to get what you want in life. By taking care of “business” in a unambiguous way you avoid any risk of “emotional prostitution”.

3. Attract and manifest love in your life by being attractive and open to receiving it as a gift. Abstain from trying to control others by making them feel obligated to return your attention and rewarding them when they act the way you want.

4. Allow yourself to be naturally your true self. Release yourself from the process of trying to “buy” peoples love by meeting other people’s expectations and molding yourself into their image of you. Your true self is a unique gift of true value.

5. Make love a gift that you can afford. Build your own personal resources, inner strength and spiritual prosperity. Take care of yourself first. Sacrifice inevitably leads to resentment and unfulfillment.

6. Be prepared that some may not appreciate your gift of love. Another’s inability to receive can only diminish the value of what you offer if you made their specific reaction is a condition of the offer. Accept with sadness that the gift of love can raise issues of fear and confusion in others.

7. Realize that we frequently feel many emotions at the same time. The act of offering love may simultaneously bring up grief over lost love, anger/resentment over past betrayal, and uncertainty concerning your self esteem. Honor each feeling individually and avoid the “murky waters” of confusing them with feelings of love.

When we can give clearly in the spirit that the act of giving is fulfillment in its self then all love is “true love”. When we give freely and generously then love is a simple act that can only add to our lives and the beauty of our world. Love in joy.