How often have you found it hard to forgive someone ? Are you holding onto resentments and memories of hurt or betrayal ? It may be something that happened recently or an event that occurred long ago. Each of these began with an event which we experienced, perceived and interpreted. Most involved intense emotions or reactions. Each was followed by a judgment that we had been wronged, or that the situation was unfair, or shouldn't have happened. This process frequently happens so quickly and seems so automatic that we may be unaware that we made a choice to be in judgment rather than observation.
Our choosing to pursue judgment costs us energetically in a number of ways.
1) We are drawn into our head by trying to think rather feel the experience. This can inhibit our ability to allow feelings to be released in a natural and flowing manner.
2) We become focused on the other person's behavior rather than ourselves. We frequently miss the lesson or message that the experience offers us. We are more likely then to repeat the experience.
3) We are more likely to be immobilized in the role of the victim. This debilitates our access to our own choices and power. Growth and change can become limited.
4) We invest considerable energy in creating and holding onto resentments. This energy could be channeled into the creation of joy, growth and awareness.
5) When we judge others, we attract judgment to ourselves. Others see us by our actions. We are also more likely to suffer from our own self-judgement.
An alternative is to choose to experience the event, to feel your feelings, to observe, to accept the gift of lesson it offers, and then to "let it go". If you are challenged like me, your head is probably filled with voices calling out, "But.....but....they don't deserve to be forgiven ! It was not my fault. I will not let this go until I receive the apology I deserve !" Our minds can easily rationalize that others should not receive forgiveness until they change their behavior. Yet, we will continue to be controlled by the behaviors of others when require others to change in order for us to move on and grow from an experience.
I'm reminded of when I use to teach scuba diving. Each time, when people went underwater with tanks for the first time, without fail several would quickly bob to the surface. In a tight constricted voice, they would cry out, "There's no air in this tank !" I would respond with a smile and call out from the side of the pool, "You have to exhale first !" They would release the breath, they were holding and immediately receive a generous amount of air from the tank and return underwater.
Letting go is the only way that we are able to take in and receive that which the Universe has to offer. It is an open mind and open heart which allows for the best reception. Forgiveness only becomes issue when judgment is in play. By investing our energy into observation, empathy, awareness, and acceptance our mind is less cluttered, we breath easier and our load is lighten.